Flakey- Just Not Frosted

What a total flake I feel like I have been lately. There have been few commitments I have been able to keep and at times I feel like I am letting everyone down. There are days and times I think I just need to lock myself up in the house an not tell anyone I will do anything because I don't know from one day to the next what will be going on. Since I am the primary care-giver of the boys, if childcare does not work out I am the one who has to turn her back on whatever it was I was supposed to be doing. Or, if we have said we were going to be somewhere, and CJ "over rules" what we have pre-planned, guess who has to re-nig on her commitment.

I am sore about trying to get things going and then having to uproot. Leaving the 'ville is not the first time either. Just as we were beginning to warm up in Birmingham, we left there too. Granted, I wasn't as heart-broken, but nonetheless, it was a bit frustrating. It really makes me not want to try to go out and do things. Although, I feel like this time, CJ is forced to stay here in Columbia due to the hell we have been through in getting here. As I strive to be like the Proverbs 31 woman, I am surprised at how when I read about her, certain aspects of her life that stand out in different seasons of my life more than some of the others. Here is what is standing out these days:

1- All that she did was over her lifetime. I get so caught up with all that this woman did I forget it was not all at once. I was raised around women who made everyone think they could do it all. You know, "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up, serve it, and clean up after it's been eaten." The reality is something always suffers. We can do anything, but we can't do everything. Why do we feel, as women, we should be able to or have to do everything. For me, it's the fear of being labeled "lazy" or missing out on something. Sadly, my fear of missing out makes me miss out on what is truly important. It's about quality for me,not quantity. If I had 100 bad years to live versus 30 great, I wold choose the 30 great. Yet, we so often try to live the 100 bad. And instead of being lazy, I just get burned out. I have tried to learn over the last couple of years how important it is not not try to do everything. Of course, my physical health has not been the best. Three pregnancies in 3 years 2 of which were c-sections certainly helped solidify my limitations. Those days when I felt like I would die because my body was so tired, yeah, those are the days when you learn your limitations.

2- I love this woman laughs at days to come being clothed in strength and dignity. I don't see this woman as sarcastic or pompous. She just realizes what she can do has been done and everything is left up to God. In this age where we women take on so much responsibility, what a relief it would be to laugh at the days to come. We really don't allow our men to be the men God created them to be. We are afraid for them to fail. We are too controlling to allow them to be in control. And alas, they have been beaten down so much, they hand over the reigns willingly to our Jezebel spirits. Thus, we no longer laugh at those days to come but fear them. That isn't the way God created us to be! Don't get me wrong, I don't believe we are to go around and be totally oblivious to all the happenings around us or about the affairs of our home. However, we concern ourselves too much and carry too much of the load. Way more than God intended for us o carry. Does He not want us to carry it because we are too weak or unable? No way! On the contrary, we have a hidden strength. It's quiet and unweilding. He wants u free from that stress to bless us. He wants our hearts to be free to love Him. The way the proverb is structured and following the example of all the other proverbs, she laughs at the days to come because she is clothed with strength and dignity. Hmmm, that is sweet. I hope my strength and dignity can help me laugh at the days to come. I have a feeling I will need a great sense of humor.